Thursday, February 4, 2010

Preparing for Marriage? Things to Do Before Saying I Do (Part 1)

A lot of marriages failed, mostly in their first five years as a couple, because of unpreparedness before saying their “I do”. A lot of couples fell in love and directly thought that this is the man/woman they are looking for. After the wedding and a blissful honeymoon, everything became a nightmare because of a lot of reasons. Some of the main reasons are high expectations, lack of communication, money problems, and the worst, an illicit love affair.

Let us not talk about the last reason above. Rather, let us understand why these things happened. Since this article is all about readiness before marriage, then we will focus on this side of marriage.

Preparing before marriage must be taken into consideration. In fact a lot of divorce or separation could have been avoided if couples went through counseling sessions or seminars before the wedding. My husband and I went through these counseling sessions before exchanging our wedding vows. The only thing I can say is that I am really grateful that we did it. Now, I will share the things we have learned:

1.  High expectations. A lot of marriages started nice and good but when the wife/husband realized the weaknesses of the partner, things started to change. “This is not the kind of woman I wanted to marry.” “I never expected that my husband snores a lot.” The complaints will not end there. Slowly the other looks on the other in a negative manner.

Counsel: Think of your partner as a unique/special person. Your partner has good points, too. That is the reason why you fell in love in the first place. Rather, think on how you can complement your talents and gifting with each other. Try to look on your partner in a positive manner.

Course of action: After the counsel we were required to write down all our expectations with our partner and, the things we like and dislike as a person. We, also, wrote the good and bad points that we saw toward our partner. Then I shared my list to my husband and he gave his list to me. Think of our reactions as we read the list. Through those lists, we talked about how to work things out even we were not yet married at that time. Then we kept doing this course of action once in a while, even until now. My husband and I will be having our wedding 18th anniversary this December and our relationship is getting sweeter in every moment.

(This is just one of the three guidelines for Preparing for Marriage.)

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